When You Discover Your Man Is Cheating: The Do's and Dont's

I know when your woman’s intuition kicks in; something about your man doesn’t feel right. You feel the burn in the pit of your stomach. Something is telling you that the cold hand of infidelity is wrapped around your man’s dick. However, feeling and knowing are two different things.

When you receive the confirmation that your man is cheating, or you catch him in the act, the devastation slams you on the head like a sledge hammer. You’re plagued with all kinds of emotion, your heart becomes the play ground for tug of war. You don’t know what way to go. Your first reaction is to go after the other woman. This is where you go wrong. Going after the other woman will not solve the problem.

What You Should (DO)

1. When you are absolutely sure that he is cheating, I know you’re going to hit the roof. But don’t fear. Try to remain calm, and clear your mind, and get your thoughts together.

2. Pack you things and go to a friend’s or a relative’s house for a while so that you can put things into perspective.

3. Make sure you have hard core proof of his betrayal. Just in case you want a divorce, you will have solid evidence If you’re seeking a large sum of money from your divorce, the proof will be the back bone to take him for what he’s worth.

4. Confront him: you may be wasting your time with confronting him because as you know he’ll deny it. Even when caught red handed, he will still continue to lie. But ask him anyway to give him the opportunity to tell you the truth.

As a suspecting wife, you always want to do your homework. Just because you think he’s cheating, it doesn’t mean that he is. This is why not jumping to conclusions is important because you can also damage your marriage with false accusations. Monitor his behavior for certain changes.

1. Changes in his daily routine

2. He suddenly becomes overly concerned about his appearance.

3. His style of dress changes, or he starts to dress younger, and hipper.

4. He’s working longer or putting in strange hours at work.

5. Strange numbers appear on the phone bill, and in his cell phone.

6. He’s all of a sudden secretive about his cell phone, or has suddenly locked his phone with a code.

7. He is withdrawn emotionally and sexually. Some of these changes in behavior does not always indicate cheating but always pay attention when he changes.

How you’re going to handle finding out your man is cheating is the big question. You picture how your going to confront him, and what your going to say. I know its hard, but you have to think with a rational mind. When you catch him, don’t approach him with “how could you” this will make him defensive, and he’ll shut down. Approach him calmly. Remember you’re the woman. You’re the bigger person. Don’t blame yourself. Men have a strange ability to shift the blame, and make you think his cheating is your fault. The sad part of it all is that some women believe it.

Note: if you need extra help, hire a private investigator.

WHAT NOT TO DO

1. (Optional) Don’t put him out. At least don’t just yet. If you still love him, and want to be with him, putting him out is only going to stress you out even more because you’re going to question yourself on whether or not you pushed him into the other woman’s arms all together. As of now, you need to keep a close eye on him. There is a lot of information you still need to know. First, you want to get yourself a physical. Go to your physician, and get tested. Second, find out how many women he slept with, and how many times he slept with them (if you can get the truth out of him).

2. Keep your business, YOUR business. Don’t broadcast your husband’s cheating ways to the whole world. I know you want to confide in your friends, and you need moral support. The fact of the matter is, who he’s cheating with may still be unknown. The friend that you confide in may just be the other woman. If you confide in someone, make sure it’s someone you can truly trust. If you have male friends, be careful with them as well. Some men take advantage of vulnerable women. Don’t go to your husband’s friends or family you may not get the answers or the support that you want or need and they may not take you seriously. They can also lie, and make excuses for him and next thing you know 

you’ll be blaming yourself. He can also be a serial cheater, and his family can warn him to cover his tracks the next time. You really have to be careful with who you confide in because if you decide to want to take him back, you will look like a jack ass.

3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend like it didn’t happen. Don’t go into denial this will only gives him the green light to continue.

4. Don’t confront him without the proper proof.

5. Don’t go after the other woman. I see this all the time when the wife finds out that her husband is cheating. Your first reaction is to fight the other woman. This is the worst thing you can do. Nine times out of ten, she didn’t even know about you. Don’t obsess over her, don’t call her phone or go to her house confronting her because if she kicks your ass, then you’ll be humiliated twice. Don’t harass her or threaten her because this will make you the bad guy. Name calling belittling her, and criticizing her will only make your husband defend her.

6. Don’t destroy his belongings. Throwing bleach on his clothes, cutting his clothes, destroying his TV, x box, and car will only result in money coming out of your pocket when he sues you.